My dearest Juicy Lucy,
Today you would’ve been celebrating your 23rd birthday with us all. Due to the lockdown it would’ve been a nightmare and I know you’d have been effing and blinding “Trust my 23rd birthday to be in doors!” haha. But you valued your life and your family so I know you would’ve known it was for the best.
I want you to know that Richard, your lil bro is doing good. He’s safe and sound. Your gorgeous little sisters and your beautiful mum is too. She’s growing strong and kicking butt.
Do you know how different things would’ve been if you were here? Well, a lot. I learned so much from you in your short life and everyday I think about your beauty, your intelligence and your ability to shrug off haters and those who weren’t worth your time.
By now I think we would’ve been putting our heads together to create a stunning creative little business in makeup, hair and beauty with our friends. I think we would’ve had a joint Instagram and would’ve been slaying it! You were so talented and I envied your gorgeous nails. I know you were a little self conscious of your clubbed fingers but my god it made your nails so big and beautiful!
Luc, you would’ve been the best auntie in the world. I promise my nieces, nephews and future children will know who their auntie Lucy is and I know they would’ve loved to have met you. Everything I do in life, I think “What would Lucy do? What would she think? How would she cope with this?” and sometimes it’s what gets me through the day. Knowing you would’ve never given up on me and vice versa.
I wish you’d met Lewis. You probably would’ve said “Good on ya, he’s fit” and then we’d make sure you found a hotty! Damn Lucy I miss you so much. I’d give anything to hug you one last time and have one more little WKD and indian takeaway. If I had to be granted three special wishes from a magical genie these would be them:
* Let Richard, Tallulah and Maisie have one last hug and agony aunt session so you could remind them that they are doing amazing and that they have so much potential. I know how much you helped each and every one of them and I know sometimes they need their big sister.
* For your mum to hold you and kiss you one more time. I can’t imagine the heartache she feels. She is broken but is still so strong. You were just like her!
* For your family and us girls to be able to hold you, hug you and tell you how much we love you. If I had to say what I wanted right now it would be an evening of late night chats in your bedroom that lasted until the early hours.
A lot of people thought I didn’t care enough when you died but the truth is I shut down completely. I was 15, being severely bullied, had recent diagnosis of depression, Autism and anxiety amongst other mild things and felt lost without my best friend. I couldn’t cope at all and I fell into a really deep hole I never thought I’d get out of. I cried behind closed doors when no one was watching. I couldn’t listen to your songs for years after you passed away because my emotions would just explode. I was hurting so bad and I didn’t want to admit I was breaking down internally so I masked it.
I had to be pulled out of school and I just felt like my entire world was falling apart until one night where I discovered the show ‘New Girl’ and I felt a wave of positivity and strength to fight back because that’s what you would’ve wanted. I started my first ever blog called ‘Project happiness’ and a bucket list of all the things I want to do with my friends, because I know you would’ve done so much if you had the chance. I now run a successful blog and continue to try and make the best life possible whilst helping others. I’ll get there Luc and will make you proud!
Due to being an asset to the school I was invited by the head mistress to still attend prom and that’s the first thing I ticked off the bucket list. I know how much you wanted to make it to prom so I couldn’t have been happier when I had the chance. We hope you were there in spirit.
I’ll never forget the great times we had trying on clothes in the big changing room in New look so your wheel chair could fit! It was such good times. Each time we went out I’d have your oxygen tank on my back whilst the girls pushed your chair. I remember the first day we asked you to go out and you acted sad saying “Yeah but I’d have to be in my wheelchair with my oxygen tank” and we replied with “And?…”. The look you gave us was priceless. We didn’t know you’d had friends who weren’t ok with it. We loved you for all of you, even if that meant having an unconventional shopping trip or party! You were our best friend and we would do anything for you as long as you were happy and content. You deserved to have the same life anyone of us had!
One of my favourite memories that sticks with me is the party we took you too and we danced so much. I have a picture of you just enjoying life so much and It sticks in my mind always. You looked so happy and it just made life worth living seeing you smile. We did two charity walks for you and started a small little charity in your memory. We also raised money for Ward 7 at the Birmingham Childrens Hospital! Presenting you with that cheque was just an amazing feeling, knowing you were there to see that. I now work with Birmingham Children’s Hospital and feel like I’m giving back to them after they looked after you and your siblings for so long. I hope we’re all making you proud Juicy Lucy!
I know you’re at peace now. You really struggled for the last few months and I find comfort knowing you aren’t hurting. The times in the hospital next to your bed haunt me and I just wished I could’ve done more to help but I just broke down each time I left you.
Lucy, I love you so much and always will. You are still my best friend and me and the girls will never ever let your memory fade. Tonight is Thursday; We will clap for the NHS for all they do including keeping you well for so long. We will also clap for you and your beautiful life.
Shine bright angel and breathe easy. I promise to always look out for your beautiful family.
Love always,
Your looby lou
xx
P.S your send off was magnificent! You did an amazing job. I can’t believe you had the courage to plan it yourself. You beautiful girl. I hope my speech wasn’t too cheesy, actually nah you would’ve loved the cheese!
*Images in this post are years old and therefore the quality isn’t the best but I wanted to show them to capture Lucys life.
Lucy
•6 years ago
What a beautiful and poignant letter to write to your best friend, I’m sure she’s smiling down on you from heaven! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
burstsofautumn
•6 years ago
Thank you so much Lucy! I hope she is smiling down 🙂
Stay wonderful!
Louna x
Claire
•6 years ago
Beautifully written & such a beautiful friend! I’m so glad you were able to have happy memories together.
Claire.X
http://www.clairemac.co.uk
burstsofautumn
•6 years ago
Thank you so much for this comment! It means a lot to me.
Stay wonderful!!
Louna x
Jenna Von
•6 years ago
Such a beautiful heartfelt post. I’m sure Lucy will be looking down on you now and be super proud x
burstsofautumn
•6 years ago
Thank you so much for this lovely comment!
Stay wonderful!
Louna x